I was informed by her close friend
that she actually misses me

How did I feel?
Happy? No,I don't think I felt that
Surprised? Nah,I suppose I expected that
Angry? Why should I?

It might be kinda cold of me
But I really,in fact, felt nothing
Like how a stranger supposed to feel
It did surprised me
The fact that I set her down
Far easier and quicker than I thought

The big mendacious part
about my friendship and her
Is in reality not her
But me.
I finally realised
How little I care about her
Well at least, far little than what I expected.

I pondered, why is that?
I clearly remember
How I used to cry for and because of her,get hurt by her
And so I gather, the hurt she gave me
Her arogance,her pride,her I-know-it-all oracle atittude
Finally kills off all feelings I had for her

Am I to blame?
Now there's the one billion dollar question.

Her friend told me she changed somehow
after we went our separate ways
My friend told me she speaks bad about me to her
when they're having tuition together

Who is speaking the truth and who's not
I already know
So the side who is lying
Careful...don't play me the fool

Her friend told me how she's hated
By some of her classmates
And that she feels lonely
Yeah I know all about that
Should I say it's karma?

However, it made me realise
How lucky I've been
That I've never once
Felt neglected and lonely in class
How happy I am with my friends
How they never put me aside.

Go with the wind.Live for your own sake.

Self-pity

Never think that on the entire earth's surface
You're the only one
Who have been through hurt and sadness

Coz people like this
Are usually the number one irritating people
Believe me, I've met this kind of people before
More than I can count
Please do realise that my patience
For this kind of people
Are seriously limited.

I've walked through hurt and sorrow
Alone and noone there to help
Don't think that I know nothing
Just because you can't look through the glamourous surface
Nor the smile I usually had plastered to my face

I fell down a lot, even when I understand nothing
I've had my pride trampled
My own kindness thrown back into my face
But I've always managed to climb up
With my own strength
And still had the courage
To face the world head on

This is not what we call resilient
This is entirely because I love myself enough
To let go of my past
And live on for my own happiness's sake
That's why I prefer people who are mature
Strong and Rational
Coz we feel each other

Don't wallow in your self-pity.
I'm not lying when I say people would look down on you
After all, who said you're the only one who've been hurt deeply before?

I apologised to my chemistry teacher today
SOmehow, it helps a lot

I'm feeling better right now
Will strive for the best

I'll always climb up
Back to my own feet again
Nomatter how hard I fall

That's one saving grace I have left
Will not lose it
Coz i'm too proud to let it go

Those who had worried for me
Thank you
And remember that you'll stay in my heart
LEaving some tracks where you walked.

狼狈

.............

好久没这么沮丧了.

今天最后一张考卷交了后
心里很是沉重
全不是粗心,就是没温习.

问了问好友,看了看书
果然都做错....分数丢得多.
那一瞬间开始
恐慌充满了心房

恐慌和心痛
让泪意染上了双目

出于自尊,也因为无法面对众人
我倔强地把泪儿吞回肚子去
身边的好友们个个成绩优越非凡
愈是衬托了我的愚蠢

真的好自卑
看着她们,我几乎无法呼吸了

放学.车站.
一些好友站在哪儿,缓步走了过去
有位学妹问:"考试如何了?"
苦笑,答道:"很差."
她的那一句:"差到最后还是能拿A1是不?"
心一痛,我回:"这是真的.很差."

好友靠了过来,谈起了考卷
只有我犯了好多失误
我静静地淡笑着
心里却是汹涌澎湃,难以自己

忽然,另一位好友惊疑道:"你怎么看起来快哭了?"
这一句,终于瓦解了我最后的倔强
似断了线的珍珠,我的泪水滑落了
我的骄傲,不许我哭出声音来
结果只是默默流泪.

[呵呵,所以你若看到人快哭了,绝对别让他知道你看出来了,因为你一提醒,他就真的会哭了.]

把眼线投向天际
尽量把泪意逼了回去
只是偶尔,有几滴泪水偷偷滑过

想到放学了,上了车后还有弟弟在呢
所以无论如何都得整理好心情
对弟弟们而言,
我这个姐姐是最厉害的
没啥是干不到的
我永远都是他们寻求依靠,不倒的泰山

我的恐慌从何而来呢?是父母的期望.
我讨厌他们失望和责怪的眼神
一句句的责骂,一句句的质问.
我不知要怎么给他们一个交代.

不管如何都比不上身边优秀的好友们
更是我心中的压力
因为自卑,仰或不甘
使我万分挫败.

疼我的老师还特地下课时和我透露问题呢
就因为担心我的成绩
这份为我的心
更为加深我对她的愧疚
我竟然没办法考好.
我得和她道歉了...

我对不起我的父母,对不起我的老师,更对不起我自己

我好恨,鄙视且看不起我自己
我的无用,远远超出了我的好

现在才发现,我原来没有自己希望中,那么地坚强

不然我的心,也不会如此时的支离破碎.