答复

不是说不喜欢你
只不过不是那种喜欢

起初认识的时候
我承认
是有些动心
可惜，那时候你喜欢着另一个人
所以我便断了那感觉

后来成了好友
也以为因为太要好了
你不可能会喜欢我
也把你当哥儿们看待

没想到还是发生了

不管如何，我还是要谢谢你
谢谢你喜欢上了我

无聊话题==

今晚出去吃晚餐的时候
无聊地看了看那儿得电视
然后就整个晚餐都盯着电视了

呵呵，是个韩国古代片
不过不明白为啥会有洋鬼出现在片中（汗颜。。。）

哇~好一个孤傲，气质出众的帅哥啊~（不是洋鬼）
一身白袍就帅到翻了(虽然样貌平平）
眼神够严厉，态度够冷
浑身就是帅气

我被雷翻了

洋鬼呢，就是典型的美少年
第一眼我还误会他是个女的（o.o）
真是够漂亮的

哈哈~不过我还是喜欢那个严厉酷哥
看他谈恋爱的感觉够赞！

先别想太多，给我专心考过spm。
考完后，我们再好好谈一谈。
我会给你一个答复。

FED UP

I got tired of explaining myself
I am fed up with trying to make myself compatible to the others
And I am so f***ing tired with your arrogance

Do not try to define me in the way you want
Do not try to mould me to your style

Because in case you haven't noticed it
I am not someone you can control
Nor can you manipulate

Accept the fact that you and I are not the same
And that we think too differently
I am not naive and never am innocent
I am much matured and wiser than you are
And please, I do think you don't understand homo sapiens enough.
Ponder that, if you may.

I am ,however, forgiving enough
To overlook and forget whatever anger and frusfration
I have against you
That's the courtesy I'm giving you
For being my friend for all these while

I want to tell you something bytheway:
It is because we love and care about someone entirely too much
That we always fail to see the other person clearly
That we always want to believe that he or she is perfect
No defection, an absolute angel,an exquisite work of God

So when I can't list out your weakness and flaw
Then you can be sure of my affection towards you
But when I can analyse your personality thoroughly
I can assure you that my adoration of you has diminished drastically

I never asked anything of you
Nor demanded anything out of you
What I wished for
Was merely for you to look at me as a friend
And to be considerate in the sense
That you will not condemn me in your dignified and seif-justified anger
That you care of my feelings,always.

I can only say that I am very disappointed in you.

Readers, please do not question the person this blog is directed to.
He or she might be someone from my school,tuition,family or even just mere acquaitance.
Thank you.

今天毕业典礼后，我家老妈和老爸对我的评价是：
“你走路真不够自信，扭扭捏捏的，不够大方.”

呃...老妈啊，你当我是您么?我才17啊~
唉，看来我要达到老妈子那等程度...还有好一段距离啊。

The solitude and peace

I always find in the safety of my bedroom

Reading my favourite book

Hugging my pillow in my arms

The pacifying feel of secureness and warmth

I appreaciate the music of rain

As I watch them fall drop by drop from the sky

Savouring the feeling of rain dripping of my face and hands

The beauty of them

So real and yet so ethereal

I love to watch my friends laugh

And love it ever more to laugh along with them

It always make me feel tender in my heart

Knowing that there is somewhere I belong

Those are beautiful days

I envy the wind

And I would like to be one too

Able to do what I like,what I want

Unpredictable Ungraspable Unstopable

I would feel so free

Nomatter the sadness I walked through

Nor the bitterness I still feel

I know they always seem little

In the face of everything

However

It is something I hold almost dear

Because they are what made me who I am

I believe in angels

Because my family are one too

I believe in God

And that doesnt need reason

Nomatter how cynical I am

I still love homo sapiens

Because I've seen kind people

And because I am one too

I'm growing up
And reality kicks in as hard as ever.

很多时候,只有自己救得了自己
只有自己,懂得疼爱自己

因为,他人,总是有比自己还更重要的人与事物
所以,若顾及不了你,那就放手让你自生自灭

人不为己,天诛地灭

近年的我,变聪明了.
怎么说呢....是觉醒吧?
那种一惊而起,瞬间万事了然的感觉

许多往往不曾想过的道理歪理
都拿来细心酝酿,然后忠心奉行着

学会把自己藏在走不出的迷宫中
让人摸不透
练习着如何以出乎意料与无法预料的思绪反应
来迷惑众人
戴上面具,千变万化的个性
奉陪着各位

若是认为我这么干,我不会快乐
只因我的心藏得太深
那请放心

我是愉悦的

当别人看不清我,我很开心

虽然做法有些使人难解
不过,这是我长期考虑之后
认为最能保护我
也最能令我快活的方法了

不管如何,我都要笑着走下去

往事是我的珍宝,未来是我的挑战

我要以一颗不止潇洒,更是无情淡漠的心面对一切

我是沈静怡的同时,还是柳千夜


可也决不忘了

多情最是无情,那无情,也何非是多情呢....?

I was informed by her close friend
that she actually misses me

How did I feel?
Happy? No,I don't think I felt that
Surprised? Nah,I suppose I expected that
Angry? Why should I?

It might be kinda cold of me
But I really,in fact, felt nothing
Like how a stranger supposed to feel
It did surprised me
The fact that I set her down
Far easier and quicker than I thought

The big mendacious part
about my friendship and her
Is in reality not her
But me.
I finally realised
How little I care about her
Well at least, far little than what I expected.

I pondered, why is that?
I clearly remember
How I used to cry for and because of her,get hurt by her
And so I gather, the hurt she gave me
Her arogance,her pride,her I-know-it-all oracle atittude
Finally kills off all feelings I had for her

Am I to blame?
Now there's the one billion dollar question.

Her friend told me she changed somehow
after we went our separate ways
My friend told me she speaks bad about me to her
when they're having tuition together

Who is speaking the truth and who's not
I already know
So the side who is lying
Careful...don't play me the fool

Her friend told me how she's hated
By some of her classmates
And that she feels lonely
Yeah I know all about that
Should I say it's karma?

However, it made me realise
How lucky I've been
That I've never once
Felt neglected and lonely in class
How happy I am with my friends
How they never put me aside.

Go with the wind.Live for your own sake.

Self-pity

Never think that on the entire earth's surface
You're the only one
Who have been through hurt and sadness

Coz people like this
Are usually the number one irritating people
Believe me, I've met this kind of people before
More than I can count
Please do realise that my patience
For this kind of people
Are seriously limited.

I've walked through hurt and sorrow
Alone and noone there to help
Don't think that I know nothing
Just because you can't look through the glamourous surface
Nor the smile I usually had plastered to my face

I fell down a lot, even when I understand nothing
I've had my pride trampled
My own kindness thrown back into my face
But I've always managed to climb up
With my own strength
And still had the courage
To face the world head on

This is not what we call resilient
This is entirely because I love myself enough
To let go of my past
And live on for my own happiness's sake
That's why I prefer people who are mature
Strong and Rational
Coz we feel each other

Don't wallow in your self-pity.
I'm not lying when I say people would look down on you
After all, who said you're the only one who've been hurt deeply before?

I apologised to my chemistry teacher today
SOmehow, it helps a lot

I'm feeling better right now
Will strive for the best

I'll always climb up
Back to my own feet again
Nomatter how hard I fall

That's one saving grace I have left
Will not lose it
Coz i'm too proud to let it go

Those who had worried for me
Thank you
And remember that you'll stay in my heart
LEaving some tracks where you walked.

狼狈

.............

好久没这么沮丧了.

今天最后一张考卷交了后
心里很是沉重
全不是粗心,就是没温习.

问了问好友,看了看书
果然都做错....分数丢得多.
那一瞬间开始
恐慌充满了心房

恐慌和心痛
让泪意染上了双目

出于自尊,也因为无法面对众人
我倔强地把泪儿吞回肚子去
身边的好友们个个成绩优越非凡
愈是衬托了我的愚蠢

真的好自卑
看着她们,我几乎无法呼吸了

放学.车站.
一些好友站在哪儿,缓步走了过去
有位学妹问:"考试如何了?"
苦笑,答道:"很差."
她的那一句:"差到最后还是能拿A1是不?"
心一痛,我回:"这是真的.很差."

好友靠了过来,谈起了考卷
只有我犯了好多失误
我静静地淡笑着
心里却是汹涌澎湃,难以自己

忽然,另一位好友惊疑道:"你怎么看起来快哭了?"
这一句,终于瓦解了我最后的倔强
似断了线的珍珠,我的泪水滑落了
我的骄傲,不许我哭出声音来
结果只是默默流泪.

[呵呵,所以你若看到人快哭了,绝对别让他知道你看出来了,因为你一提醒,他就真的会哭了.]

把眼线投向天际
尽量把泪意逼了回去
只是偶尔,有几滴泪水偷偷滑过

想到放学了,上了车后还有弟弟在呢
所以无论如何都得整理好心情
对弟弟们而言,
我这个姐姐是最厉害的
没啥是干不到的
我永远都是他们寻求依靠,不倒的泰山

我的恐慌从何而来呢?是父母的期望.
我讨厌他们失望和责怪的眼神
一句句的责骂,一句句的质问.
我不知要怎么给他们一个交代.

不管如何都比不上身边优秀的好友们
更是我心中的压力
因为自卑,仰或不甘
使我万分挫败.

疼我的老师还特地下课时和我透露问题呢
就因为担心我的成绩
这份为我的心
更为加深我对她的愧疚
我竟然没办法考好.
我得和她道歉了...

我对不起我的父母,对不起我的老师,更对不起我自己

我好恨,鄙视且看不起我自己
我的无用,远远超出了我的好

现在才发现,我原来没有自己希望中,那么地坚强

不然我的心,也不会如此时的支离破碎.

什么时候开始
花儿已凋零,岁月已远去?

当初那糊涂坦率的小女孩
到哪儿去了?
这双素手
何时变得如此沉重了?

连同我的纯心
也一齐被遗失了

雨落,听雨

雨落,听雨

放学了,走下台阶

仰望凉雨徐徐而下

回眸,欣赏着他人离去的背影

轻轻闭上眼,听雨

雨歌听起来

感觉真像mozart 的turkish march/adya Alla Turca

独自一人默默聆听

伸出手,接雨

冰凉的触感,让我爱不释手

踏出几步,任雨滴重重拍打着我

淡淡寂寞的感觉

一切,都好宁静

表里不一

茫茫人海中,只有我立在一旁

背影孤独落寞,面无表情的俏脸

竟有些悲哀的味儿.

某人说过,

"呀!你怎么瞧起来这么悲伤?"

回过神来的我,莞尔.

我答道,

"没有,我可是在发呆呢."

他的回答便是,

"悲伤的发呆,可真是前所未有."

(我是真的无聊得在发呆)

我觉得,这就是我吧.

表里不一,总是让人误解.

不笑的时候,

如同天边月,属于夜晚的一方

可若是笑了,

便是白天美丽的蓝天

灿烂得犹如太阳

一萧一剑走江湖,情仇爱恨酒一壶

上天下海江永流,如风如幻梦仍留

孤鹰自飞天涯中,江湖如海血如鸿

是非成败转头空,春夏秋冬无一终

苍鹰

风凛血刀剑影中,身影翩翩若惊鸿

仰首酒饮雪山上,对月舞剑笑长歌

浪迹江湖影无踪,高堂枕剑眠无忧

杀人闹市不掩名,惟恐江湖是非尽

英雄难驳血染目,苦泪铁心且能送

悠悠天地风相随,君郎步道微笑中

The friend I am

This is what I would do for my friend:

When you smile
I hope it's coz you feel like smiling
When you cry
Heck, nomatter if you're male or female
I wouldn't comfort you first-handedly
I would juz be a quiet shadow,watching you
And that's coz, judging a human's pride
Noone wanna let others see them cry
When you're angry
Hell, I freaking damn hope it's not my cause
Bytheway, when you're the fire
I would try to be the cooling water

I would be there for you
To listen when you called
(that's what phones are for btw)
I would want to be the one
That you know you have at your back
And that you would know that
Whatever happens
I would never be the one to betray you
I would also try my best to protect you

BUt do know that
When I think you're making a mistake
I would try my best to pull you back
When I think you're drowning
I would try to be your float

There's one more thing that I think you should be informed
That is, when I decided that you're no longer a friend
I would walk out that door
And leave without a trace

Childhood

Roads would all lead back to one's childhood
If you ask of how one's personality develop
Into the present state of what you see.

Mine is likewise.

My childhood had never been a bright one
Although it's not rain and storm
But it's a dull, isolated world I've lived in.

When I was young
My world only revolves around books and study
I've a very strict mother
Who place much importance in academic excellency.
I wouldn't complain about it, considering how well I'm doing right now.

However.
I've always been a social outcast.
I was way outdated about what is cool, and what is not.
I wasn't any good in interacting with people
And I wasn't exactly the cute and adorable kid.

I could always describe of how painful it feels
When you watch others play merrily
And you could only sit back and watch
What I did was pick up a book
Start reading like the whole damned world out there
Is nothing but shit for me

That was how the first stage of my behaviour developed
I turned into a quiet, introvert girl
Loneliness was nothing to me then.
Walking down the path solitarily
Is not so bad after all.

But people think differently.
How they turned quietness into cockiness
Will always be a mystery to me
When they said they think I was cold
Mayhaps they were right
But mostly, I'm cold coz I dunno what to say

It was like looking out of a window
Where things were colourful and full of life
Such a contrast to the world you live in
Where things were only white and black

哭泣,能是茫然的么
宛如伸出一双求助的双手
等待着另一个人的怜惜

坚强,会是一种痛苦么
那么瘦弱的背影
为了守护自己的一切
而笔直地站稳了双足

笑容,何不是苦涩的见证
被泪水洗亮的双眸
犹如安静的悲吟般
怔然地望向前

因为一个人走得艰辛
因为一个人走得孤单
所以想要依赖的对象
所以想要有人伴着

不想倒下
即使流过鲜血流过苦泪
也想继续往前走

且希望寒冷的雨夜中
有人伴在身侧依靠着
只是在累得撑不下去了
也知道自己不是一个人
仰望着凄美的月亮时
有人紧握着自己的手
破碎的心,更待那个人
前来把碎片一个个拾起

我只想要个真心爱我的人陪着我
一生一世,不离不弃

Behind the Mask

Ever wonder,
what is the truth
under the beautiful mask
I hold tightly to my face

Ever think,
that one day
you might discover the mendacious female
you've been happily holding hands with
for such a long time

I might be an unworthly human
With an icy,stone-cold heart
Or I might be someone
Whose calculative thoughts hidden behind
A kind, harmless smile

I would be as enigmatic as the night
Where nothing is predictacble
Or I would be as angelic
As how a devil in disguise would be
And sly enough to fool everyone including me

If you're afraid
Do not attempt to remove my mask
If you're daring
Ask for my hand
To dance a waltz together
By the end of a waltz's time
What is it, that you will find?

柳千夜

柳千夜

我总爱幻想些古代故事;
想像自己是个路见不平,拔刀相助的女侠.
总爱想着放眼尽是绿色一片的竹林
施展着轻功,宛如把全世界都踩在脚底下般地飞跃于树林间.

某天啊,我心血来潮,想写个古代小说
主角呢,是个女扮男装的女侠
我喜爱柳字,更偏爱夜这一字
所以,柳千夜就这样形成了

我的柳千夜,是个笑看江湖,潇洒如风,如深夜一般美的女人
后来,我却对一个古代网络游戏上瘾了
一时想不出什么名好用,灵光一闪,就用了"柳千夜"

这么一来,我便是柳千夜了.

本姑娘呢,和原始的柳千夜很多相同的方面
这是理所当然的,因为当初写着那小说时,也是把自己溶入了故事中
同样是如风如夜的女子,调皮聪慧,重情重仪却又难掩寂寞孤独的才女(臭屁一下下)

我十分喜爱这另名,也把这当成另一个自己,割舍不得
认真道来,我是个懒散得和懒猫有得一比的家伙.
可被激怒时,呵呵,这我就不多说了.
自认不笨,但也不会很聪明的小女人.
有些迷迷糊糊,总爱装傻,忍耐功力超强;
面具一层层,个性千秋万变,很难搞懂的臭懒猫.

哎呀,停笔.

认知

偶尔看着好友们打闹,我会有些恍惚
这类友谊中所能带来的温暖
多少年了,我都忘了那温馨的滋味

有的好友,幽默风趣得....很不可思议 (汗颜= =)
也有的随和,文静
例外还有可爱聪明的几位
最后是类似于保母...咳!大姐风格的好友
呵呵,日子过得辛苦且愉快

大部分的时间,都会被逗得笑歪了嘴
随和文静的朋友,相处得且自在又舒服
可爱聪明的那几位...(脸黑)被欺负得有些哭笑不得
嗯,保...(咳,说错了),像大姐的那位么...我欺负得很开心

这两年,我想了许多
猛然从梦里惊醒般,瞬间清醒起来
感觉很不踏实,茫然了好一阵子
犹如长眠一醒,手里忽然有了许多珍贵的礼物
我的手,就从此十分沉重

看清了过去的傻气与执着
终于明了,自己长久以来潜意识里
不断寻找的东西
原来是你们所能带来的温馨
这个认知,让我从前的一切
迅速地变得如此残破不堪

为何不能早些清醒?
因为我正努力改变自己那被掩饰的一面
若说,泪水可以是甜的
那么,当时的我,一定是笑着哭泣
因为我为了你们,放弃了守了许久的另一位
她会恨我狠心罢,我实在觉得好笑

感觉上,我正站在悬崖边缘
展开双臂,轻闭上了眸眼,就如此飘然跌了下去
放弃若是对的,那么,深谷的尽头,会有一潭湖水接了我
可若放弃是错误的,那么,我会落个什么结局?
粉身碎骨么?从此一蹶不振?

不可能,我是大名鼎鼎的柳千夜.
神不救人,人自救

不过,我坚信我的眼光
我孤独的身边,会有人伴着我
温柔一笑,我的选择,绝不会出差错.

I would wonder what kind of person I am
To be someone so complicated
That one could even lose oneself in it
I am half sane and half crazed

But, I think,
THat place I call heaven,
Would be full with beautiful white trees
Where snow would float lightly to my eyes
The icy blue stream, running through my fingers
Where enchanted songs surround me and hold me tight
And I would close my eyes, and let my soul fly free

SOmewhere which global problems won't trouble me
Somewhere which my unpredictable future wouldn't terrifies me
Somewhere which the face under my mask wouldn't haunts me
Somewhere which the present could never reach me

I'm an angel, with broken wings
And also a devil, with blinded eyes
I want to be the night
where everything would just melt into the darkness so ethereal beyond
I want to be the moon
So the one shining, reaching out one's slender hand, would be me

Sometimes, the only thing I need
Is just someone whom I love
To embrace me tightly
Whilst I salvage my hurting heart
To question nothing and just hold me together

I watch, as my heart get trampled
By people I loved and treasured
To stand by and witness
THe funeral of my very own kindess
To taste the bitterness silently in my own heart

But i think, i hope
Mayhaps somewhere in the future
Someone would be willing to stand at the end of the road
To hold my cold hands, warm my shivering heart
And walk with me through the days forever.

深情

若说你的背影，会是我的迷恋；
那么你的怀抱，却是我的眷恋．

永远走在前的你，会不记得我？
一抹淡笑，一个回眸，会不停下等待我？
我伸出的手，你可会记得握好？
闭上眼的同时，想的可是我？

我不求荣华富贵，只求与你恩爱到老
我不望时时缠你，且望你的挂念惦记
我不听你的甜言蜜语，却醉于你的百般呵护
我真爱你的温柔体贴，更深爱你的永世守护

喔，想起来了
你说过．＂不管未来如何，只要你陪在身边就好．＂
眼角含笑，却又隐带严肃．
你承诺过，＂今后我的背影我的怀抱，都会为你撑起天地．＂
我的感动，我的深情，皆都为了你
这一秒，笑一笑，投入你的怀里然后撒娇

对了，咱们那个夏天
温柔求婚的你，那一句我爱你
我仍牢记至今
年年月月，白发如雪
不离不弃，相扶相持
就算咱们都老了，你仍笑若春风
承诺着我下一世，定仍护我爱我

你的背影，是我的安全感来源
你的怀抱，永为我的天地一切
若说，人类始终只能以死离开
那么，咱们必要手牵着手离开
人生如此，夫复何求？